Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You are the jesus of drinking
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
