she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
