Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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