The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
