i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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