Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
