If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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