we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
