I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
