so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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