normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
