I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
