i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
