Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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