On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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