That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
