Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
