I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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