The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
