My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
