Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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