I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
