Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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