Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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