He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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