he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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