did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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