I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
