did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
