I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think I am morally bankrupt
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
