I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The air was thick with penises
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
