you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
