it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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