I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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