but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
