he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
