just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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