Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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