nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
