in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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