Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
