It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
