I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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