I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
