I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
