he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
