I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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