Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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