Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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