the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
