Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Randomize
