Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
