I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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