so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
