Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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