You're my little dorito
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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