Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
