will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
