im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
