Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
