end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
